


yellow

by ishipthat



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cults, Exchange students, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Poetry, Slow Burn, Texting, Todd's pov, Unresolved Romantic Tension, i wrote POEMS for this, mona has a brother for reasons, so expect angsty bullshit and not a lot of rational thinking, the homophobia tag does not refer to school, they actually go to classes sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13058160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishipthat/pseuds/ishipthat
Summary: It starts with a poem and ends with a cult.In true Dirk Gently fashion, he saves the day without really meaning to, and drags Todd and Farah along for the ride. They keep too many secrets, and don't talk enough, and this whole thing would've been much easier if they'd just listened to Farah.A high school AU that was totally just meant to be about poetry.





	yellow

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the longest fic I've ever written. It's cheesy AF and I haven't proofed the last 30% so, mistake are there, I will come back and twiddle with in when I'm not in Suffer City.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Love you, Toads xox

“Right, listen up!” Mrs Johnson announced to her first Senior English class of the semester. “Your first assignment is a simple two-parter. First part! A poem. You have exactly one week to write me a poem in any style, about something meaningful to you.” She articulated, pacing the front row and roaming her eyes as she spoke. 

Todd felt his head  _thunk_  down onto the desk, Farah slipping further down in her chair at his side, and Dirk sitting sunny and unperturbed on his other side. 

“I will be taking them in first thing next Monday, and any who fails to meet the mark will be given ONE extra day to rethink. Do not bore me – that is your only rule.” Mrs Johnson was notorious for being a strict, but often fun, teacher. Once you passed her tests and gained her good favor she was the kind of teacher to bring snacks to class and turn a blind eye to the odd under-desk text.

But, first class of the year was always a ball-buster. 

When it was over Todd slipped out of the classroom and across the hall to swing open his trusty locker, Farah and Dirk following close behind. Farah was the kind of person who’d lug all of her books around to every class, only stopping to grab her lunch at midday and swapping out a few books at the end of the day. Dirk, however, carried no more than a pen, a textbook, and a few scraps of paper at a time. 

Todd had met Dirk as a transfer, dangerously close to the end of Junior year, when he’d announced himself as his locker neighbor and proceeded to assume them as best friends. It’d worked out, once Farah had given an eager stamp of approval, too happy to expand their group of two after Tommy and David’s departure. They’d left alongside any hope Todd had of being in a functional band. 

The great Mexican Funeral funeral of 2016 was not something he’d forget soon. 

Over the summer Todd had become rapidly attached to – and unwillingly obsessed with – Dirk Gently: a British exchange student with the common sense of a five-year-old, and all the charm of a Hollywood actor. It was sufficed to say he’d fallen somewhere between “hi” and “I’m Dirk Gently”. 

“That was bullshit.” Todd announced, stuffing his unused books into his shithole of a locker, plucking out one small, spiral bound notebook. “How the hell am I meant to write a poem?”

Farah gave him a disbelieving look as she leant against the wall, books clutched to her chest. “You’re kidding, right? Todd, you already write songs, it’s hardly different. You could just use one of those!”

“What, a punk song about hating fascism and capitalism is gunna pass as poetic with Johnson? Hardly.” He huffed. She copied the motion with a scowl. 

“At least the skill is there. Me? I haven’t, god, written anything creative that- wasn’t totally- well, bullshit.” She turned to Dirk who was furiously tapping away on his phone. “Any input here, Dirk?”

He ignored her for a solid minute, thumbs tapping rhythmically on the glass screen. Normally she would’ve hit him on the shoulder by now, and she was reaching for it when he locked his phone and looked up with a smile. “Done.” He said. “You were saying?”

“Unbelievable. Did you just  _finish_  the English assignment before our next class even began? You know what! Don’t even tell me.” Todd pinched the bridge of his nose. “I mean, how am I meant to write about something important? I can’t just, like, do it.”

“Trying writing from your heart?” Farah tried, sounding doubtful of herself.

“Oh yeah, that’s an idea.” He scoffed sarcastically. “The heart. My heart is full of teenage angst that only feels more than one emotion when I’m listening to other people’s lyrics. Can I copy Hendrix, or will that count as plagiarism?” His sarcasm stood strong as the bell rang. 

She looked him up and down, leaned forward and whispered “I know that’s not all you care about.”

“Come on, Farah, to History! It’s time to delve into the unknown wonders of Mr Phillips and his oh-so expressive voice.” Dirk chimed, and apparently Todd wasn’t the only teen laden with sarcasm at this early hour. 

“Later, Dirk.” He waved, veering off toward the music block. 

Something stopped him though, and he looked over his shoulder at the sight of Farah and Dirk disappearing down the hallway, Dirk gesticulating wildly as they went. Fuck. He’d have to bite the bullet sooner or later. 

The weekend came around too slowly, and to the sound of heavy books hitting his desk. First Friday of term and not one Senior was throwing a party. It was probably for the best since his workload was already spiraling out of control, and a party only held the meager offerings of possible beer and forced socialization with people who hated him. 

They didn’t used to. The band had been quite popular around school. Mostly because it was fashionable again to listen to guys yell about politics and use words they barely understood. But that was high school for you, vicious and changing faster than one person could hope to keep up with. 

Todd pulled his planner from the bottom of the pile and flicked through, trying to remember what piece of work was due for which class first. 

English, as it turned out, was his most pressing one. He flopped back onto his bed with a sigh. Reaching his hand out, he dragged his guitar by the neck and onto his stomach. Fiddling with a few notes, he tried singing something that wasn’t angry and meaningless. Ten minutes passed to the tune of “school sucks harder than the patriarchy”.

His phone buzzing incessantly on his nightstand brought his playing to an overdue stop. The screen was alight with twenty messages, all from Dirk, and all varying in levels of comprehension.

 

_Farah came over!!!!_

_In her CAR._

_Yep, she has a car now. From her dad. Who is cool._

_Cooooooool_

_Teh_ _seat s are_ _hEAteDd_

_Todd this is too cool we’re coming over!!!!!!!_

_Oh_

_We’re coming over ‘to study’ according to her lordship Farah Black_

_Hahjsidnhajja_ _??!!!!!!! There’s CUPHOLDERS_

_Want anything from McDonalds? I made her pull over_

_Got u fries and a milkshake :) :)_

_Strawberry. Obviously._

_Be there in five, love_

_*TODD_

_Ducking autocorrect_

_FUDKHJIG!!_

His attention was caught by the sound of a horn outside, and he barreled downstairs to let them in. 

“Mom, dad!” He yelled. “Dirk and Farah are here to study.” He got a muffled ‘ok’ in response. 

“Bullshit.” He leapt at the sudden presence of his sister in the hallway, leaning smugly against the doorway, her all black get up more intimidating by the day. 

“Shut up, brat.” He said with a smile, pushing her forehead as he walked by.

Dirk and Farah stepped in with the smell of takeout in their wake. Dirk handed him a bag and a cup, smiling like giving was the greatest thing he could do. He accepted it with what he hoped wasn’t a blush, but Amanda snorted so he was probably out of luck. 

“Have fun, dweebs.” She said, sauntering off to her room with a laugh. 

“Always a pleasure, Amanda!” Dirk called out after her, far too genuine to be in a house full of sarcastic, bitter Brotzman’s. It was part of their charm, he’d often argue. 

 

They settled in Todd’s room, Farah sneakily commandeering the desk, leaving Todd and Dirk with the bed as the only other comfortable surface. Todd sat cautiously, and Dirk flung himself down hardly an inch away. Todd eagerly munched on his fries while Farah set out the plan. 

“I thought we’d start with chemistry, then move onto math, because I know you too aren’t great at that. Then maybe you could help me with English?” She leafed through her notebook, pen already twiddling between her fingers. 

“God, you were serious? We’re studying on a Friday night?” Todd protested with a loud, dramatic groan, which drew an enthusiastic laugh from Dirk. Which already made him feel better.

After scrambling for books and paper, Dirk obviously needing to share Todd’s, they settled into relative silence. It was surprisingly easy to work when he was being peer pressured into it, they should probably make a habit out of it. Especially if it meant he could be cross legged on his bed, knees overlapping with Dirk.

He dared to look, taking in the sight of Dirk with his pen tapping invitingly against his lower lip, eyes blinking as he scanned the pages. Dirk was beautiful in a way Todd had never experienced. Sure, he knew he was bisexual when he was thirteen, but the guys he’d been into had all been tortured souls with studded belts and lip piercings. Never anyone as soft as Dirk. 

When they’d first met Todd had been in a dark place. Post-band breakup was probably his lowest time since his sister had been diagnosed, but then there he was, crawling into this gap in Todd’s life and making it feel as though he was exactly where he needed to be. 

“What did you get for question five?” Farah asked, snapping him out of his daze. 

“Uh,” he tried to remember what question five was, what it had been about, what subject they were even studying. 

“Fifteen?” Dirk asked. 

“Dirk this is chemistry.” She stared at him flatly. Rolling her eyes at the pair, she turned to Todd with a meaningful look. “I think some of us need to focus more on the paper than our daydreams.”

Todd felt like that was a bit of a low blow for her. 

“Come on, since we’re already in that frame of mind, why don’t we skip straight to English?”

“Yes, Yes, we should definitely do that!” Dirk bobbed with excitement . Todd smacked his shoulder playfully. 

“Shut up, Dirk, you’ve already finished yours.”

“Exactly.” He beamed, closing his book and leaning back against the wall. He shuffled so his foot was tucked under Todd’s. “Warm.” He said in lieu of an explanation. 

It was warm, but not in the way he imagined Dirk had meant. He felt the heat blooming across his chest, spilling out to heat the tips of his ears, the blood pulsing rapidly through his veins. He glanced down to see Dirk’s socks, covered in ridiculous yellow suns. 

Yellow was a color he’d always associate with Dirk, and all the things associated with yellow were almost an echo of Dirk’s personality. The first day they’d met he’d worn the most outrageous yellow jacket. Every time he wore it Todd would feel his heart flutter.

“Write it down.” Farah said, not looking up from her own paper.

“What?” Todd asked dumbly, eyes flicking to Dirk who was engrossed in his phone.

“Whatever you’re thinking, write it down.” For once it was actually sage advice. So, he channelled his Dirk related thoughts and tried to make it sound at least marginally poetic. He was thankful this was a written assignment, which he could hand over come Monday and forget all about. 

Monday came around faster than he’d anticipated. He had to rewrite his poem. It was rubbish and vulnerable, and if anyone even glanced at it he’d probably die of embarrassment. Yet, it was too late. The first bell rang and the trio settled in their seats reluctantly. 

“Good morning, all happy faces and fresh poems, I see!” Mrs Johnson chirped with a possibly sadistic smile on her face. “Now, before I collect these in, we’re going to start on the second part of this assignment. Oral. Spoken word.”

Todd felt a crushing sense of foreboding, and if he had to guess where this was going he’d refuse because it was too horrible to even speculate. 

“Right, as we go through alphabetically, you’ll each stand up and read your poem aloud. Failure to do so and you may as well rip it up now because I won’t be grading you.” Her tone was too sweet, and smile too wide. She knew exactly what she was doing and Todd  _hated her._

He’d never be proud to be a Brotzman ever again.  _Stupid_  alphabet.

“Farah Black, you’re up!” He heard a few choice words muttered under her breath before the room was full of white noise. Maybe he could dive out the window, or pass out, or quickly contract some kind of awful disease that would get him sent straight home. 

“Brotzman. Todd Brotzman. It’s your turn.” Her eyebrows were raised, Farah already sat back in her seat looking anxious. His stomach dropped out and he swallowed against the sensation. 

He cleared his throat and stood, paper crinkled in his damp hands. He looked at the desk that would soon double as his grave, and began. 

 

“The first day I saw you, you wore yellow. Yellow soft like the flowers 

And bright like the sun, 

Though a darkness cowers 

Ready to be undone. 

The first time I met you, you wore yellow. I decided it would be 

My favourite colour then. 

Something I would see 

and picture you again.” 

His breath stuttered, and he paused, trying not to picture Dirk who was sat a few meters away, most likely already formulating a calculated response. 

“The first time we spoke, you wore yellow. You were loud 

Where I was not, 

You were proud 

Where I was not. 

The first time I liked you, you wore yellow. The darkness was gone, 

my clouds start to break, 

the rains moved on, 

and left sunshine in its wake.” 

He couldn’t stop it now. He knew she’d notice if he left a stanza out, he’d get downgraded severely and he couldn’t take a hit that big this early in the year. So he pressed on, against the shame, against the embarrassment, against the crushing fear that he was about to alienate his best friend. 

“The first time I loved you, you wore yellow. We’d only just met 

and somehow I knew, 

I could never regret 

Falling for you.”

The ghostly silence of the room swelled in his ears until it broke under an applause. He sat mechanically back down in his chair, feeling too big for his body all of a sudden. “That was absolutely stunning, Todd. Well done. Let’s hope we get more like that. Now, Lucy Charles, up you get.”

His surroundings melted away. He dared a look back down to his paper, swallowed, and looked at Farah. Who was looking at Dirk, who was looking at him. 

There was a crushing moment of still quiet. Then he gave Todd an enthusiastic thumbs up. 

A thumbs up. 

Todd spills his heart in a public setting and Dirk gives him… a thumbs up?

He turned frantically back to Farah, who was already pushing a note towards him. 

 _He doesn’t know._ It said. Panicked relief flooded his system, and he looked back at Dirk who was looking down at his own paper with a nauseated expression. When the teacher finally called his name, he stands like he’s in court, a face of stone and body rigid. He coughs. 

“Would he be perfect,

If I made him so,

In my mind only,

So no one else will know. 

I see him like summer,

He sounds like a dream,

I’ve taken him from her,

Or so it would seem. 

I wish that he liked me,

I wish that he knew,

That when I sleep lightly,

I see him there too. 

Nothing can match

The way that I ache,

For him to catch,

My heart not to break.

He sings me to sleep,

Though he’ll never hear,

That I sing along,

Whenever he’s near.”

Dirk’s body drops into the seat, eyes stuck on the wall ahead. Todd can see it, the same vulnerable, nasty feeling he’d had. Except, Todd’s was probably worse now, in light of Dirk’s confession that he had feelings for a boy who wasn’t him. The room swelled with noise again and Mrs Johnson preened, complimenting his form. The rest of the class passed quickly with nervous breaths and stuttering words, Todd not listening to a single one. Farah was oddly quiet too, not turning to look at him again for the rest of the hour. He felt alone. 

Dirk rushed off to History, muttering something about needing advice on their assignment, before sweeping past Todd and Farah without his textbook. Todd spun around against his locker, running a hand through his hair, eyes wild.

“Oh god, oh  _god,_ Farah what have I done?” He paced, too frantic to be stationary. He got a sharp smack to the side of his head and stopped, stunned. “What the hell?”

“Are you  _kidding me_  right now. Todd, I can’t- no, no, you know what. I can’t.” She presses her hands into the sockets of her eyes, letting out a desperate noise. “Answer me this, you great idiot, did you even listen to him in there?”

“Of course. I know.” He whined. “He likes someone else, and that’s. It’s fine. I’m fine with that.” Apparently, that was the wrong answer because she hit him again, this time with a stack of books. 

“You’re officially an idiot. I’m going to class.” And with that she turned sharply and stomped down the hall. 

“What did I say?” He yelled after her, and she didn’t even flinch. "Farah, what did I say?"

The day progressed at an agonizing pace. For once, music class gave no relief to the usual monotony of education, as of course today would be the day they'd be stuck analysing Mozart of all people. Todd was pretty sure he'd mastered that topic in 8th grade, much to the surprise of his teachers who'd only ever seen him take interest in rock-related genres. He sighed, head resting awkwardly on the desk as he absently doodled in the margins of his notebook.

When he sat up to regard his work he noticed a small trail of suns and flowers which he couldn't remember drawing. Angrily, and thinking bitterly of Dirk's crush, he stabbed his pen hard into the paper, indenting the pages below as he scribbled over the pictures.

By lunchtime he still hadn't seen Dirk. Farah passed him a note in biology that'd read:  _he seems normal? Or about as normal as he gets._  She'd told him not to worry. He worried anyway.

"Look, I'm sure he'll be here soon. He said he had something to do for Mr Riggins. He didn't say what exactly – but I'm sure it's important." She said, biting into an apple, her face not quite as reassuring as she intended it to be. Todd shrugged in response, miserably chewing his sandwich. 

"I don’t, like, it's whatever. I don't really care." He checked his phone for the tenth time in five minutes and pretended it didn't bother him that Dirk hadn't already texted him a million times as he usually did between classes.

Ten minutes before they were all due in chemistry, Dirk bounded up to them, his normal goofy smile and vibrate attitude in check. 

"Where were you?" Todd barked, blushing at the forcefulness of his own voice.

Dirk paid it no mind, brushing his bad mood off as he always did. "Talking to Riggins." He chirped. Todd was looking at Farah with a frown, and she frowned back, shaking her head as if to tell him he was being an asshole again.

"What about?" Trying to be indifferent was not something Todd was good at, but he aimed for it anyway. The placid movement of the cafeteria brushed up against him, pushed past his bag, making him sway closer to Dirk as he spoke. Dirk, who was pointedly looking at his phone rather than either of them.

"Just transfer stuff." Farah was great at spotting a lie, proven in the fact that she'd known about Todd's bisexuality, and subsequent crush on Dirk since day one. Her eyebrows flexed in a telling motion, like she was sniffing out the fallacies in his statement. He'd been in and out of the principal's office since he'd joined, being a late transfer and living with a host family caused much need for external support, apparently.

Todd let the subject drop, not wanting to cause a scene around his own insecure embarrassment. At least he finally knew where he stood with Dirk, and there was to be no more late-night fantasies revolving around confessions and shy kisses, but it was a sore consolation. Looking at Dirk's side profile, his tongue poking out as he scrolled through his phone, Todd felt a pang in his chest that hadn't yet settled with the realisation that the boy would never be his. Dirk would never bend down to his kiss him in his bedroom. He'd never wrap his arms around Dirk's middle in the hallway. They'd never walk through the streets with their fingers intertwined. He'd never feel the love he thought one day he could come to deserve.

His heart sank fully then, the reality crushing the last strand of hope he couldn't help but have. It must've shown on his face because Dirk was looking at him with something akin to worry, and he couldn't look back. 

"I have to go." He said suddenly, taking himself by surprise. He knew in his gut that he couldn't possibly deal with this quietly, sharing his chemistry notes with Dirk as they leaned over test tubes together. There was no way that Todd could keep in the tears he knew were building. The stupid, angry, crushing tears that probably only had a good five minutes before they made themselves known on Todd's cheeks.

He bolted, not stopping at the sounds of Farah's confused shouts. He pushed through the front doors of the school and fearlessly started down the street, not caring that it was upward of a forty-minute walk home, and he'd be in so much trouble with his parents for skipping this early in the year. His attendance, predictably, had been awful when he'd been with the band. They facilitated him cutting class, presented him with an excuse that held up against his logic. They were going to be huge! School could wait.

Unfortunately, it never did. His absences caught up with him in the form of Friday night detentions until he inevitably fucked things up, and got himself thrown out of the band. 

None of that mattered to him in that moment, though. All the progress he'd made with Dirk and Farah through the summer, couching him through everything he'd missed, ironing out his rebellious behaviour until he was just a regular high school student with college looming over him, all of that was lost. 

It didn't matter anymore. Because Dirk was gone. Dirk was never his. He never would be.

And nothing mattered.

Todd ignored the rapid vibrations of his phone in his front pocket, sourly rubbing his sleeve over his damp eyes, and walked on with purpose.

He opened the front door sharply, intending to march himself up to his parents and explain why he wasn’t at school this early in the day. They weren’t home though, indicted by the eerie silence throughout the house, so he trudged upstairs and absently tapped out a text to his mom. He knew he could’ve told the truth – there was a chance they’d feel sympathy for his situation – but a lie about feeling sick came easier, and with less explanation. 

Todd flopped face down in his bed and buried himself into the soft pillow. It sunk under his weight in a comforting way, cradling his head and turning damp with his warm breath. 

He was trying to figure out how, exactly, he was supposed to be around Dirk without feeling like his whole world had ended when his phone buzzed again in his pocket. The buzzing continued, indicating a call, so he rolled over and dug it out, sighing as he saw Farah's name.

"Yeah?" He answered lazily, unable to muster an emotion that wasn't complete defeat.

"I snuck a bathroom break for this, so you better listen up, you idiot." She whispered down the phone, as if students didn't use the bathrooms as their secret call centres all the time. "I'm coming over after school and we're gunna talk this out. I'm not gunna put up with you spiraling  _again_. Stupid, stupid -" Todd heard a shuffle and a heavy breath, and he could picture the face she always wore when she was trying not to yell. "I've spent too much time helping you to let you slip now, especially not over something as – ugh, you know what, we'll talk about this later. Text Dirk."

"And say what? I can't just-"

" _Text him_ , Todd. He thinks he's done something wrong, and I will not have both of my idiot friends upset over the same damn thing." Her voice rose and she belatedly seemed to remember she wasn't meant to be out of class. "Text him or I will personally beat your ass later."

"Fine, fine, I will. God." Todd grunted, and Farah hung up without another word.

Text Dirk. What exactly was he supposed to say?  _Sorry I ran off earlier, I'm just a bit heartbroken because I'm in love with you and you like someone else._  He laughed bitterly and climbed under the covers, no longer wishing to be conscious. Although, he knew Farah would follow through on her threat to injure him if he didn't text Dirk, so he fished his phone out again and blinked at the screen.

There were about fifty texts from Dirk, in varying levels of coherency, and he scrolled through them guiltily. 

_Todd R U ok?_

_class is starting, where are u_

_Please come back I don’t want to partner with Friedkin_

_He spilt salt water on himself and started screaming_

_Its_ _funny but_ _id_ _rather you were here_

_Todd_

_Todd please_

_Farah said you went home, are you sick?_

_I can bring you stuff after school, Farah said she'd drive me_

_Well, she didn’t, but she will_

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Is this about me not being there at lunch_

_Im_ _sorry_

_TODD_

_Sorry I'll stop_

_I hate chemistry without you_

His heart thumped uncomfortably at the last text, knowing it meant more to him than it did to Dirk. God, Dirk was so open with his affections, and Todd had always assumed it was a British thing, but over the course of the summer he found himself greedily seeking after the small touches and verbal encouragement that Dirk liberally indulged. 

He couldn’t take it anymore, and promptly went to sleep. 

Obviously his parents had come home sometime between him falling asleep and Farah arriving, because when he woke up it was to the sight of various flu remedies on his nightstand and an angry looking Farah standing over his bed. He pulled the covers over his face and groaned dramatically. 

“Get up.” She barked, whipping the covers away from him with ease. “We’ve got some shit to figure out.”

“I really don’t wanna talk about it. Can you just leave it alone?”

“Absolutely not. Especially not since it’s got both of my friends riled up over- ugh, like, basically  _nothing_.” She perched herself on the edge of the bed, seeming to know better than to try and get him on his feet so soon after he’d woken up. 

“I don’t get what there is to talk about.” Todd frowned and lent his back against the headboard with his knees drawn up over the duvet. 

“This, Todd!” Farah gestured to his form. “You just skipped a bunch of classes because Dirk wasn’t stuck to your side for five minutes. Aside from the co-dependency being slightly alarming, there’s obviously a lack of real communication between you both right now.”

Todd thought on her words, rolling them over in his head to try and find real meaning in them. 

“Guess it was a bit much.” He admitted at last. She looked grateful at the breakthrough. “Suppose I was just worried he was avoiding me. I know you said he didn’t get that my stupid poem was about him, but, I dunno. Feels like he’s pulling back.” 

Farah observed his downtrodden expression and reached out gingerly to place a hand on his knee. Some semblance of understanding conveyed in a touch was what she was aiming for, but Todd jumped against it, seeming more jarred than he had before. 

“I miss him. I miss him touching me.”

“Todd it’s literally been a  _day_. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Farah, in case you didn’t notice, he’s been stuck to my side since he moved here! Maybe it took me a while to really appreciate him, but now I’ve basically admitted to being in love with him it kinda hurts not to be around him all the time.” It was the first time he'd said it aloud, to himself or otherwise, and he couldn't help the way it thrummed in the air, an almost tangible mess of words that couldn't be drawn back into his mouth and swallowed.

"Fuck." He announced. "What do I do?" He looked helplessly in Farah's direction and saw her face pinched in discomfort.

"I can't tell you what to do, Todd. But you should talk to him. Or just, act like, normal? He's not gunna abandon you over something he doesn't know." 

"I guess."

She smacked him, for probably the fifth time in so many days.  "What the fuck, Farah?"

"You're pissing me off." She said in lieu of a proper explanation. "If you're not back at school tomorrow I will drive your ass there myself. And if I have to miss first period for you, I  _swear_."

He held up his hands defensively. "Fine, fine, I'll be there." 

"Good." She struggled for a moment, bouncing her knee nervously in a way that made the bed shudder with vibration. "I do care about you, you know. Like, I'm not – always mad at you. And if I am it's because you're being stupid, and I care too much to let you be stupid all the time."

He shifted closer to her and picked up her hand, which was flexing awkwardly as she spoke. "I know." He said. They sat for a while, letting the moment pass between them in an exchange of solidarity and long worn friendship. Then, Farah stood abruptly and shuffled around in her bag that Todd hadn't noticed by the door. A second later a stack of papers thwapped down on the bed beside him.

"All the shit you missed. And homework. Text me if you can't understand my notes." Her authoritative tone sent him into well trained silence, and she left, shutting the door softly behind herself.

He didn't deserve her.

Belatedly he remembered he'd yet to text Dirk. Biting the bullet, he took his phone out again and looked back through the flurry of messages from earlier that day. Filled with a sad, sorry pain, he posed himself to reply.

_Hey, sorry I didn't reply. I didn't feel good so I went home to sleep it off. I feel better now. See you tomorrow?_

He hesitated before adding a smiley face and hit send.

Sociology was quite possibly the worst class that Dirk and Todd shared. Much to their excitement though, the classroom had shared desks, not quite large enough to adequately sit two people, so they always found themselves squished up against each other as they wrote.

Todd entered the classroom to find Dirk already there, his crumpled notebook lined up on the far end of the desk as if to make room for Todd's books. When he looked up it was with an unhindered smile that bloomed across his face like the sun punching through a thick cloud after a storm. Todd felt his entire body bathe in the sensation that struck him, and sat himself down so his leg matched up to the line of Dirk's.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better, Todd." Dirk leaned forward onto the desk top, hunched with his head upon one fist, while his other arm dangled over the edge and into his lap. "I got you this just in case though." Plucking something from his pocket, his pushed it over to Todd with a smug grin, replacing his arm so his chin rested on both of his hands. Todd looked down at the small brown something, and pealed the paper away to find some Swedish Fish (his favorite), a brightly colored and slightly iridescent stone, and a new guitar pic swirled with rainbow streaks. 

The stone, most likely from Dirk's precious collection that he often boasted about, cast glittering paths of light onto the desk. Todd studied it before looking back up at Dirk, who was regarding him with a soft expression.

"Thanks, I love it." His voice came soft and almost in a whisper, and he picked up the plectrum to test it with his fingers. It was the perfect flexibility, the colors not typical to Todd's usual all black style, but it was so  _Dirk_ , always decorated in several shades and tones that shouldn't work together but always did. "You didn't have to-"

"But I did." He interrupted, pulling his knee away only to bump it back to Todd's thigh. At that moment the teacher shuffled through the door and cut off whatever Dirk was about to say next. Which was a shame, really, because Todd was about to say something too. Something that was along the lines of a confession, or apology, or acknowledgment of their situation together. He took it as a sign, and lost his nerve.

When the class was over Dirk and Todd parted ways for Drama and Music respectively. Todd had never actually seen Dirk act but if his eccentricities indicated anything, he was probably very good. 

 

Music class that week was composition focused, and Todd fiddled with chords for an old song he'd written for the Mexican Funeral, but they felt hollow and without conviction. Seeming to only just remember it was there, he fished the rainbow guitar pic from his pocket, adjusted the capo, and rearranged his fingers into a simple barre chord. He played with it for a while, sliding up a few frets to hit a minor, and shifted and few times to complete the progression. Then, he sang.

In a way he hadn't felt in a long time, the words flowed unbroken from his mouth, and he whipped out his phone quickly to record as he went.

"He said, take my hand and trust me, I won’t let you fall, I won’t let them take you anywhere at all." The rhythm of the words fell into place, along with the image of Dirk in his head. He looked down at the pic, contemplating if the angry strumming was really a good match. He tucked the small rainbow thing between the strings above the neck and flexed his fingers, dancing across the strings in a way that was far too soft for his usual style.

([x](https://soundcloud.com/dirkmegently/for-you))

The rest of the lyrics fell out into the space around him, floating on the notes he delicately plucked from his guitar, smiling to himself.

The hour flew by before he really had the chance to quantify the song he'd just written, finishing the last few lines as a scrawl in his notebook, packing it away and dashing off to lunch. The song wasn't happy, per se, but it was satisfying to sing, the tune soft and playing to the strengths in his voice. God, he hadn’t had a rush like that since playing his first gig with the band. Todd had never considered himself a solo artist, until now. The band had always promised him that he was a better fit to sing back up, and bash tunes angrily out of his guitar in small breaks.  _Fuck them,_  he thought, he was much better without them.

Arriving in the cafeteria, he spotted Farah alone with a book. Strange that Dirk hadn't beaten him there, considering he took the extra minutes to polish off his work. 

"No Dirk yet?" He asked when he approached Farah. She hardly recognized his existence as he sat, taking a short second to shake her head, not looking up from the page. He checked his phone then, hoping Dirk had texted since he last checked in the booth of his music classroom.

Nothing.

It was strange since he'd been missing the day before, which Todd was too aware of, it being the thing that'd set him off in the first place. He did not need a repeat of the previous day. He knew it was irrational, but Dirk told him everything, all the time. It was just one of their habits. Dirk would text too much and Todd would pretend he found it annoying.

Where had he been yesterday? Riggins. He's been talking to Principal Riggins. 

"Be right back." He muttered, knowing Farah would hardly even bat an eyelash.

Todd twisted through the halls, dodging unruly students as they flitted from place to place in their clans, music blasting obnoxiously from someone's phone as jocks threw various objects above the crowd with whoops and cheers. He steadfastly ignored them all and continued towards the office. When he arrived, it was to Riggins open door, the room empty aside from the man himself, who looked preoccupied with a rather dull looking tome bound in crusty leather. Not wanting to catch the man's eye he ducked out and down the nearest hallway.

The hallway in question was one that lead to Dirk's drama classroom. It was probably weird to snoop after him, but maybe he was just caught up in a project like Todd had been. Sweeping down the hall he fumbled with the stone that sat heavy at the bottom of his pocket. The smooth, lukewarm surface brought him an odd sense of reassurance. 

Reaching the room, he heard quiet voices, and pulled back, not wanting to interrupt a scene or whatever they did. He peered as inconspicuously as he could through the small window, finding the class empty save for Dirk and a girl he'd never seen before. Deciding against his better judgement he stepped back and let himself into the room. 

When he entered, Dirk was alone. 

"Hey," He said, eyes darting around in search of the girl. One of the oddly placed curtains fluttered and Todd squinted at it. "You okay?" He asked, turning his attention to Dirk.

Dirk looked awkward, shifting from foot to foot, before replying. "Yes, I was just... uh, just about to leave, actually."

"Who were you talking to?" He regarded Dirk with reserved suspicion. 

"No one, obviously." Dirk gestured to the empty classroom, snorting as if Todd was going crazy and it was highly inconvenient for him.

"But, I saw a girl."

Dirk turned his back to him, collected his few possessions from the nearby table, and proceeded to walk past him without making eye contact. "Don't be silly, Todd, there's no one else here. Come on, Farah must be eagerly awaiting our arrival, mustn't keep her waiting."

Dirk didn't have any other friends, he barely interacted with any of his classmates outside of Todd and Farah, and Todd knew this because Dirk had told him so. It'd started as a complaint that rambled toward a dramatic verbal appreciation of his two only friends, as he declared them the only two people worth talking to, and promptly moved on to discussing the irrelevance of Shakespeare with himself. If anyone had asked Todd about the possibilities of holding an interesting conversation with oneself, Todd would've called them crazy. But then he met Dirk and reevaluated his entire outlook on the matter.

They walked in uncharacteristic silence toward the cafeteria, and Todd couldn't bring himself to break it.

Dirk was obviously lying about being alone, and the girl seemed skittish and weird. Which wasn't unusual for someone who'd willingly engage with someone like Dirk. No, the unusual part was his lying. Todd vowed to himself that he wouldn't let the matter go, and texted Farah a few frowning faces accompanies with the request that she came over again that night.

Farah drove him home, probing him the entire way, as per her normal habits. He finally gave out approximately ten minutes into the short journey.

"Alright, okay. It's Dirk." He huffed, throwing his hands in the air after her third 'spill it'.

"That much was obvious, douchebag." Todd liked to think that insults were Farah's way of conveying affection. He didn't hold out much hope for the theory but it made him feel better, at least.

"It's not about- it's just," He stammered.

"Out with it, Brotzman." Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"He lied to me."

"What?!" She swerved in the road before correcting herself with a squawk. "What about?" 

"That's the thing. I don't really know exactly. One minute he was talking to a girl in his drama class, next minute she was gone. And he denied that she was even there in the first place. But I saw her, Farah! She was  _there_." 

"Alright, alright, that's alright. Maybe he uh, has a reason? Like, the girl, she might not want to be – I don't know. Involved?"

"Involved in what? I just wanted to know who she was." He griped defensively, crossing his arms and putting one foot on the seat in a way he knew she'd hate.

"Exactly. Maybe she's a private person." Todd laughed at the concept.

"Farah. She's a drama student. I'm pretty sure that'd be a base level contradiction. Have you ever met a quiet drama student?"

She contemplated him before speaking again. "Well, I suppose not, but that's a stereotype I'm not sure I should be supporting."

"Whatever, he lied to me. About some girl I don't even know! You heard Dirk the other day, ' _if it's not you or_ _Farah,_ _they're hardly_ _worth my time_ '." He imitated in a shockingly bad accent. Farah snorted.

"It's clear why _you_  don't take drama." Amusement was clear in her voice as she pulled out outside his house. "Wait, the other day? I'm pretty sure he said that months ago, Todd." He made a put-out noise, mouth opening and closing twice before he chose not to say anything at all. "God, you really are gone on him."

"Shut up." He snapped, slamming the door behind himself.

After a pathetically small amount of coercion, Farah had them going over the next day's homework to the sounds of Todd's crisis.

"It's not like it bothers me that he has another friend, it's just, why lie? You know? He could've just said 'hey, this is my new friend Weirdo-McWeirdpants from drama class' and I would've been fine!"

"There are so many things wrong with what you just said." She sighed, intently scribbling in her geometry notebook. 

He barreled on despite her commentary. "And like, what, it's gunna offend me that he has a new friend? Hardly. I'm not that much of a jerk."

"For God's sake, Todd, shut up already! You clearly have a problem with it or you wouldn't have called me over to talk my ear off." And with that, she slammed her notebook closed and gathered her things, hovering in the doorway. "Just fucking text him, you unbelievable asshole."

She muttered a quick "how many times" under her breath as she left, the sounds of her car pulling away snapping Todd back into reality. 

He flopped back onto his bed with a grunt, contemplating the white of his ceiling with mild distrust. Who even decided to paint all ceilings white? It sounded like the thought had been plucked straight out of Dirk's head instead of his own, and he imagined where Dirk would go with it. He'd probably argue that ceilings ought to be blue like the sky, or pink just for the hell of it. 

"Fucking hell." He sighed, digging out his phone.

_Who was that girl?_

**_No idea what you're talking about_ **

_Lying again?_

**_It really is none of your business who that girl may or may not be, if she so happened to exist in the first place._ **

_Whatever_

_Jerk._

**_Can we talk about this tomorrow? Let it be known I'm about to break the trust of a very dear friend for your_ ** **_petulance_ ** **_._ **

_O_ _k????_

**_And?_ **

_And what?_

**_There's this funny five letter word people tend to use when they've been a bit not-good to someone they like, Todd. Now is probably the appropriate time to deploy said word._ **

_Bitch._

**_Care to try again?_ **

_Fine. Sorry._

**_You're welcome._ **

_????????_

_Whatever. See you tomorrow x_

It was common knowledge that Todd's sarcasm and general douchebagery was a carefully constructed defence mechanism, reinforced by many years of being a Brotzman. And he'd be the first to admit that sometimes he let it get out of hand. And Dirk would always be the first person to forgive him for it. The stupid, loveable asshole.

The following day, Dirk was nowhere to be seen. By their third shared lesson Todd decided he was avoiding him, shushing him before he spoke and ignoring his hastily scribbled notes. By lunchtime he was just pissed off. 

He didn't show, which didn't surprise Todd, and only served to annoy Farah further. Of course, she didn't mind what Dirk got up to in his free time, but she did mind Todd's incessant ramblings about the whole thing.

"Did you text him like I said?" She asked over her apple slices.

"Yes. He replied last night but he's barely said a word to me all day!"

"Did you call him an asshole?" God, why was he so predictable?

"Maybe." He coughed, avoiding her judgement as he sipped his juice. "I apologized! And he said he'd tell me everything today."

"Todd," She sighed with an air of finality. "I really don't have the time or energy to deal with this. Just, let him live. He'll talk to you when he's ready, I'm sure he has a good reason."

From that moment, Todd decided he was dealing with this alone. Without Dirk, without Farah, without ending up spilling it all to his sister. They were the only three people he knew he could confide in. 

Before that summer, he at least had the band to fall back on when he felt isolated, not that they were a comforting bunch. But they helped in the way they'd let him scream angry lyrics into a shitty plastic microphone, and bash barely discernible sounds from his guitar. He missed the therapy of the process. He missed the band.

He told himself he couldn't go back – they wouldn't  _want_  him – but that didn't stop him from selfishly thinking on it whenever he got low.

At that second his brain chose a particularly bad thought to have. Dirk had a new best friend, and he didn't need Todd, the pessimistic asshole. His new friend was probably funny and just as eccentric. She was, most likely, a better fit for Dirk than Todd could ever be. His assumption – through a series of often presented facts – that Dirk was gay, well, could've been entirely false. That was the first time Todd had ever thought so, and maybe this new girl was the one to distract Dirk from the guy he was apparently pining after.

It was Jim from homeroom, he just knew it. That Polish exchange student that Dirk had impressively held an entire conversation with on his first day, all in a language Todd couldn't even begin to understand. Of course, it'd be him.

He fucking hated Jim. What kind of stupid name was 'Jim' anyway.

Consumed with jealousy and self-loathing, Todd didn't even bother to take notes in sociology. Dirk was sat next to Jim, of all fucking people, instead of waiting at their desk in the corner as he always did. Jim was quietly muttering something to Dirk, who seemed to be taking it very seriously, which was not how Dirk usually took things. It made Todd want to throw his book at them.

He knew it was getting to be too much, but he couldn't understand how to stop his brain from conjuring up images of them kissing, or holding hands under the desk. 

Dirk looked up at him then, smiling in an unconvincing way that made Todd's stomach churn. He looked away without returning it and pretended to be fascinated by the teachers' explanation of the class system.

Dirk didn't text him all day; in fairness, Todd hadn't texted him either, but with their track record it was looking more and more like Dirk didn't want to know. 

There was a break in the weather at lunchtime, where the clouds had been spewing rain all morning it broke into a still, warm silence, the sun still not fully pushing through the thin mist overhead. Todd shuffled to lunch, his hand turning the stone over in his pocket as he walked, and settled on the sight of Farah at their table. Dirk was bent down towards her, explaining something with his hands flailing wildly. She caught sight of Todd and took Dirk's wrist, who turned in time to see Todd frozen in the threshold. He watched as Dirk stood up straight, said a few parting words to Farah, and left through the other door without turning back to Todd once.

It felt as if he'd been suddenly struck by something that held a marvellously strong current of electricity which rattled through his bones, making him weak and shaky. He walked to the table with feet of lead and slumped down into the chair, ignoring Farah in favour of unwrapping his food. It was bland in the least satisfying way, grounding into dry lumps in his mouth, clogging up his throat as he swallowed. He didn't speak, didn't want to ask her what Dirk had said, or why he'd left so fast.

"Todd," She said softly, sliding her hand towards him across the table top. "It's not what you think."

"So, he'll talk to you about it, but not me."

"It's complicated. There's, there's a lot of moving parts in this. He doesn't – it's not, like, he doesn't not want to talk to you. It's just complicated."

"Why?" He huffed. "I don't even understand what's going on. Probably because he won't even talk to me."

Farah sat back in her chair and folder her arms. "There's a situation, with Dirk, and he can't really talk about it, it's risky if he does." Todd's eyes shot up, hooded with a concerned expression.

"Is he okay? Fuck, is he in trouble?"

"Look, I can't tell you much. He didn't even tell me much!" She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "It affects more people than just him, and he says he's going to fix it, but you have to leave him alone for now. Just give him space, let him work it out."

"Work what out, Farah? You can't just like, tell me all that and not explain it."

"It's not my place to say!" Her voice rose, hands balled into fists on her knees. "Just- drop it, okay?"

"Oh so, I'm supposed to just drop my best friend like he dropped me? After everything that happened in English last week-" He cut himself off, thoughts too muddy to form into sense. 

"It's got nothing to do with that." She said with an air of finality, picking up her most current book and folding out the dog-eared page.

It was one thing, for Todd, to be in love with one's best friend. It was another thing entirely when that friend decided to keep secrets and generally ignore his existence.  

Fuck, maybe he should just tell him.

Three entire days passed without word from Dirk. A few exchanging of looks across the classroom, and the odd passing in the hallway was all their interactions where comprised of. Todd thought about revisiting the drama room at lunchtime once or twice, but was reminded of Farah's warning to leave Dirk be. Not only was it killing him to be apart from the boy he'd fallen in love with, but it was also a sore reminder that his best friend didn't trust him. Couldn't trust him, maybe? God, there had to be more to it. People didn't change that drastically overnight.

This had been the boy who'd told Todd that he missed his mother, and felt guilty for leaving her grave behind in England to study in America. This had been the very same boy who'd confessed himself an orphan who could no longer understand the concept of home. This had been, somehow, the same boy who had said that, though they'd only known each other a few months, he trusted Todd above everyone else in the world. He never said why, and maybe Todd should've asked, but it didn’t matter now. Something had changed.

That was until, in true Dirk fashion, he burst into Todd's bedroom at 9am on a Saturday morning, out of breath and looking like he'd run all the way from his house to Todd's. There had been something of a commotion downstairs, Amanda's high-strung voice yelling after a set of feet that bounded up the stairway, crashing through Todd's door a second later.

"Todd, I'm afraid to inform you that we must leave, immediately. And there may be a fair share of running in your near future." Todd, who was dressed in nothing but his underwear and a ratty t-shirt, gaped at him.

"Dirk-"

"No time! Get dressed."

Todd watched him rifle through his closet and throw him a pair of jeans and a black hoodie, which landed unceremoniously on the bed beside him.

"Hurry up!" He barked, a hand carding through his already messy hair. Todd looked him up and down. His jacket was an unfamiliar shade of black, his shoes a pair of trainers he didn't think the boy was capable of owning. It was a rather confusing state for Todd to observe, but he jumped up and shimmied himself into the jeans without comment.

"Are you gunna tell me what's going on?"

"No." Dirk paced to the window, lying flat against the wall to peak out of the blinds. "Well, yes. But not right now."

"Where are we going?"

"Farah's parked around the block."

"Yeah, but where are we going?"

"Away, and hopefully quite quickly." He grabbed Todd's phone and charger from the nightstand, digging under his mattress to pluck out Todd's secret stash of cigarette's – for emergencies only, he'd assured Dirk when he told him they were there.  He pocketed them and turned to Todd. "You might want to think about bringing some underwear. And possibly a gun if you happen to have one." 

"A gun? What the fuck!" Todd couldn't help but yell.

"Quiet, Todd! We have to go, now." Without further word he yanked Todd's arm, and dragged him down the stairs, past Amanda who was lurking on the landing was eying them suspiciously. "We're going camping!" Dirk told her in a sunny voice. She obviously didn’t believe him, but nodded seriously and patted him on the shoulder on her way up.

To say Todd was confused was an understatement. Although, Dirk being his manic and excitable self, made the whole situation that much more manageable – if a little exciting. He felt a sense of urgent danger and chose not to question Dirk further, knowing that maybe too soon he'd have the answers he'd been so manically craving.

They slipped out the back door and into Todd's fenced off garden. Dirk took a moment to size up the fences before scrambling up the back one, not quite having the upper body strength required to get himself over it. Questioning his sanity at this point felt rather redundant, so Todd looped his hands together to present Dirk with a foothold. Minutes of awkward scuffling, and Dirk was perched dangerously on the top, offering Todd a hand.

He appeared to underestimate the power of their combined weight, and as he pulled Todd up by the hand, they both careered over the top and landed painfully on the grass of the garden beyond.

Dirk groaned, arms wrapped awkwardly around Todd's shoulders in their horizontal tangle. Todd pulled back, breathless and aching, to look Dirk in the eye. Their faces where far apart enough for Todd to see the widening of Dirk's eyes, the exerted flush on his cheeks, and cataloged the way he darted from looking at Todd to looking at the fence.

"Hi." Todd smiled, the first time in days. "I missed you."

Dirk swallowed heavily before he spoke, his voice husky. "I missed you too."

Todd rolled himself off of Dirk, reaching down to pull him up with both hands, savouring the sensation of Dirk's skin against his own in a way that echoed guiltily through his head. Dirk gathered himself, ducking down behind a hedge in what looked like an imitation of an action film. Todd watched in amusement, strolling through the garden with ease.

"Dirk, this place hasn't been lived in for months. Get up." He snorted, pointing towards the wide windows that peered into an unfurnished house.

"Oh." He stilled, raising to his feet slowly. "Well, there goes my sense of adventure." His shoulders deflated, before seeming to remember that they were in a hurry. "Farah's this way." Taking Todd by the hand again, he led them through the side gate, spilling out onto the road adjacent to Todd's.

Farah's car was idling in the street, the passenger door swinging open ominously. "Get in." Dirk pushed him forward, following close behind.

He slid into the backseat, taking note of two extra bodies in the car that he hadn't anticipated for. Dirk squashed himself tightly next to Todd, slamming the door behind him. The car pulled away the second Farah heard the click of their seatbelts, and they glided carefully through the neighbourhoods back streets.

After twenty strong minutes of uncomfortable silence, Dirk finally glanced away from his phone long enough to address the situation.

"Oh, Todd, how rude of me! This is Jim and Mona. From school." 

Jim, who was sat to Todd's right, gave a small wave, looking unsure of Todd's presence. A quiet girl who'd been hunched over in the front seat uncurled herself to clutch at the seat back, sizing Todd up. Mona, he assumed, remarkably resembled the girl Dirk had been talking to in the drama room days before.

"Right." He nodded, pretending he understood even an inch of what was happening. 

The quiet subsided to the rumble of tires upon the uneven road, streets beside them melting away into trees and road barriers as they swooped down the highway. 

"Sorry," Todd interrupted the contemplative atmosphere. "But who exactly are Jim and Mona?" They didn’t flinch at the sound of their names, merely sinking further into their seats and Farah sat still at the wheel.

"Oh, yes, quite. How silly of me not fill you in. It's just been a while in the making, all of this, and I've become accustomed to all the right people knowing exactly the amount I've needed them to know, when they've needed to know it."

"Uh..." Todd watched him, feeling more riled but somehow still more at peace than he'd been in days.

"This is, in retrospect, slightly more complicated to explain than I'd anticipated." He considered himself for a moment, pausing to look up at Mona who'd turned around once again.

"I like girls." Came her soft voice, innocent smile teetering on her lips.

"Yes! She does! Which, coincidentally, is how this whole thing started." Todd, resolutely, was not going to question this. "Lovely Mona here has an equally lovely girlfriend, both of whom happen to share my drama classes. They both returned home to spend some rather safe time in each other's company, which as it turns out, is not something our hosts agree with."

"Sorry, hosts?" Todd probed.

"Yes, hosts. As exchange students, I'm sure you know the three of us share a host family."

"Actually, I didn't know that." He frowned, feeling quite stupid that he hadn't figured out their connection until now.

Dirk barreled on despite his stupidity. "As I was saying, Rodger and Maggie are not the, let's say, accepting type. Quite the opposite, actually. As it turns out, in my attempt to relocate Mona, Jim and myself, it seemed I'd stumbled upon a worrying amount of cult activity occurring in the house. Rodger is the second in command of a group that believe in a ridiculous set of deities –  _none_  of which support homosexuality – and were using the exchange program to fund and recruit for the cult."

When it'd appeared that Dirk was finally pausing for air, Todd thought it was time to respond. "Right." He said slowly, trying to assure his blatant lack of understand. "And we're running because?"

"Oh, they may have figured out that I am also gay, and Jim is asexual, which apparently isn't acceptable either. I also might've tried to set fire to their basement. Accidentally! Maybe. Only in an attempt to draw attention from the authorities who'd refused to rehouse us." He guiltily tugged at his collar and turned at last to look at Todd.

Todd, who was possibly having a breakdown, looked back. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" When his words came, they were soft and a little downtrodden, and not what he'd expected at all.

"Sorry." Dirk placed a hand on Todd's knee. "I didn't want to get you involved in case you got in trouble too. You're bisexual, I know. If I'd have told you, you would've gone storming into that house and lord only knows how they'd react to someone who wasn't supposed to be in their care."

"Oh, thanks I guess. And uh, sorry I've been a jerk." He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.

"You haven't been a jerk, Todd." Dirk reassured him, squeezing his knee lightly.

"Yes, he has!" Farah shouted from the front seat. Todd slumped forward to kick the back of her seat in retaliation. "Hey, Jerkface, watch the leather."

He smirked, shimmying back up to feel Dirk's hand come to rest back against his thigh. The warmth was grounding, and made him realise how much his world stopped spinning when Dirk was around.

"So, where are we actually going?" Todd asked finally, more a question to Farah than Dirk, since she tended to make more sense in her answers.

"We're going to the head office for the exchange programs. Riggins wouldn't listen to Dirk." She replied.

"Right. And how are you gunna explain the fire?"

There was an awkward silence before Dirk spoke, a shifting of looks between Jim and Mona.

"Ah, well, I hadn't really thought about that yet." Dirk said, his posture straight and proper as he fiddled his hands on the seam of Todd's jeans. "I suppose I was hoping they wouldn't find that bit out."

"Dirk," Farah scolded. "They called the police! Hence all the running."

"Yes, of course.  _Hence_ , Farah, why it was necessary that we collected Todd on the way. Or where exactly do you suppose they'd check first?" He snapped, his voice edging on irritating in a way it wasn't usually. He turned to address Todd. "Farah here thought it'd be a bad idea to bring you as well, something about you being in an 'unstable mood'. Her words, obviously."

"I stand by that!" She yelled, pulling off the highway. "No offence."

"Some taken." Todd huffed, crossing his arms and pressing purposefully into Dirk.

The thing about their current situation was this: Dirk was in trouble and that wasn't okay. He'd risked his own safety for the sake of others, which while dumb, was a very Dirk thing to do – Todd couldn't fault that. But the entire thing meant he had his friend back and finally understood why they momentarily lost their grasp on each other. Which left only one loose end.

Aside, of course, fixing Dirk, Jim, and Mona's weird cult family drama.

Todd still hadn't told Dirk that he was in love with him. And that'd probably prove to be an issue come Monday when they got their grades back in English and Todd was forced to look at his stupid poem again.

The car slowed outside on non-descript, grey building. The engine stopped and Todd glanced over through the windows at a small, plastic plaque that read  **Blackwing Student Exchange HQ**. Something about the emboldened letters made him wince, and he followed Dirk and Jim out of the car, letting the door swing shut behind him.

"This is it." Jim announced, his quiet voice thick with an accent, which was actually beginning to grow on Todd. Maybe Jim wasn't so bad after all. He clung to Mona's arm and hushed her gently. 

"You all just friends then?" Todd asked in the least subtle way imaginable, indicated by the look Farah threw over her shoulder.

"Don't be silly, Todd." Dirk laughed and the sound of it coated Todd in a prickly sensation. "Jim and Mona are siblings. Thought you would've at least sussed that out by now, sheesh. You really are quite behind."

"Would've helped if you texted me back."

"That's enough, Todd." Farah snapped again.

"No, no, that's quite fair. I do owe you an apology -"

"That's gunna have to wait, guys." Farah's voice edged on panic as the doors to the building whipped open to the sight of Rodger and his wife, dressed all in beige and looking all the more threatening for it. They nodded at the group as they passed, settling on a bench just left of the door, Rodger wrapping an arm around Maggie whose face was streaked with unconvincing tears. Todd had a bad, terrible, sinking feeling about this.

Mona clutched Jim tighter, both lingering behind Farah. They walked in together, having no other option than attempt to rectify whatever the Nelson's had just put into motion. The offices themselves were just as grey and aged as the exterior, though they were bathed in fluorescent light and manned by several people dressed in suits that looked far too expensive for the setting.

Dirk marched up to the most prominent desk, placing his palms into the surface as he addressed a lady with short brown hair. "Hi, I'm Dirk Gently. I'm here to dicuss-"

"I'm aware, Mr Gently, of your current situation." The woman rose to her full height, quirking an unimpressed eyebrow at him, repeating the action at the group who stood huddled in the entryway.

"Right, then you should know by now that-"

"That you and two of your fellow students terrorized your host's house and set fire to their basement? Yes, I know." She plucked a clipboard from the desk and scanning it sourly, her lips pruned together. "Now, the Nelson's had kindly requested to take you back in, on the grounds that they are permitted to grant you a curfew, which I believe to be quite in order-"

"Wait!" Dirk suddenly yelled in anger, slamming his hands down upon the desk, rattling the small sign that declared the desks owner as ' **Wilson, Blackwing Executive** '. She studied him intently, from his hands to his muddy trainers and scuffed clothes, and exhaled. "My friends and I have been nothing short of shockingly polite compared to the standard American teen, and I regret to inform you that our host family belongs to a rather terrible cult."

"That's enough, Mr Gently." Wilson dropped the clipboard, sliding her chrome pen into her neatly pressed shirt pocket, and rounded the desk to stand a mere foot away from Dirk's face. "You would not believe the stories that have come through these door from desperate students through the years. I find the youths lack of  _appreciation_  for their host families disturbing at best, and un-American at worst. You will not be getting reassigned. Good day."

Dirk watched in exasperation as she turned on her heal and settled primly in her expensive looking desk chair, her hair bowed to a stack of papers.

He spun around to look at the group, all dejected and unsettled. Todd set his jaw, taking note of the helpless expression that didn't belong on Dirk face, ushering him forward with a hand. He watched Dirk close his eyes and breath for a minute, before turning back to the desk.

"What exactly would you deem 'inappropriate behavior' for a host family to have?" He asked as if he'd just stepped onto the set of a detective show, tapping his finger upon the desk like he was trying his best to play a role. It worked fantastically as Wilson paid him a modicum of attention.

"Inappropriate conduct extends to insult, violence, neglect, theft or otherwise unsavory behavior. All of which require evidence, inspection and assessment." A moment passed before she graced Dirk with her full scrutiny. "The door is that way." She said with the tilt of her head, and dropped her eyes once more.

Dirk's shoulders sunk considerably and he started for the door, ushering Farah and Todd to the exit with open arms. They flocked out onto the street, noticing Rodger and Maggie fixing them with a dark expression as they forced their way past and back into the building.

"I have a plan." Dirk announced once they were clear of the Nelson's.

"Oh no, not another stupid plan. Dirk, I'm not letting you set fire to... whatever you're going to set fire to." Farah interjected, posed as if ready for a fight.

"I just-" He turned to Todd, unceremoniously placing his hands on the shorter boys' shoulders. "I need you all to trust me." Dirk was certainly talking to the whole group, but something about his eyes stuck on Todd made him nod with purpose.

"Anything you need." The words tumbled out of Todd's mouth, forgetting that he was surrounded by two people he barely knew. They were Dirk's friends, so they were just as worth risking possible life and limb for as Dirk was.

"I'm glad you said that." Dirk's smile cracked into a wild grin and he swiveled around to face everyone. "Farah, I need you on the door in case things get hairy, which they will. Jim, Mona, you stay behind Farah and get ready to run if anything goes wrong, which it might. And Todd," He paused, looking over at him. "You're with me. I'm sorry in advance."

Todd shook away the confusion in his head, scrunching his face up as he asked. "Wait, sorry for what?"

"You'll see. Just, trust me."

And with that, the group hurried back inside after the Nelson's, eyeing each other as they took up their positions. Rodger was leaning over the desk with a cocky, self-assured gait, his vulgar wife watching them with beady eyes as Dirk swanned over, Todd in tow.

"Alright, we'll go back with you, Mr and Mrs Nelson. I'm terribly sorry for the trouble we've caused." Dirk was ducking his head, hands folded and feet shuffling nervously on the tiled floor. They didn't speak, and Todd realised he'd yet to hear them at all. He rightfully did not trust them.

"I just!" Dirk bounced, letting his arms swing at his sides as their attention honed in on him. "I just have something I'd like you to know, before we return."

A lot of things happened at once. First of all, Dirk was spinning himself around, pulling Todd's body in by his waist, dipping him dramatically. Second of all, Dirk was quite possibly kissing the air right out of Todd's lungs. Third of all, there was a cacophony of sound as Rodger launched himself toward them, screaming with rage. Farah leapt into action, restraining him with ease and urging his wife not to take another step.

Dirk was still kissing him.

The initial shock had fallen away under the sensation of Dirk's lips, moving soft and sure, warm over Todd's. His hands, looped carefully around Todd's waist to stop him from flailing backward, pulled him upright and closer still. Todd felt a sigh push out of his chest as he threw his arms up and over Dirk's shoulders, one hand coming up to back of his neck to keep them in place.

He wasn't sure how long they'd been kissing for, but when Dirk finally pulled away the room was not how they'd left it. Spinning and trying desperately to digest what'd just happened, Todd stumbled forward into Dirk's chest. Dirk who, on instinct, covered Todd with his arms again.

Rodger was still being restrained by Farah, Maggie standing flat against a wall, Wilson and her clipboard making fast work of a form.

Distantly, Todd was aware of an officer striding into the room, a few more following as she approached the couple, waving Farah down with a confident hand. It was measured chaos as the police sat Jim and Mona down in one corner, escorting the Nelson's out with a dignity they didn't deserve. Dirk, he noticed, was now petting his hair as they watched the scene unfold.

Farah marched up to the pair, a furious expression storming her features. Todd was flinching before her hand was even raised. He felt the shock-waves as she slapped the arm of Dirk's hoodie. "Stupid, stupid,  _stupid_ idiot! What were you thinking? I can't believe- you're, ugh! I was so fucking worried about you." She drew back, pacing away from them to calm herself.

"I can't believe you thought that was a good idea, Dirk. If I wasn't strong enough to hold him back, you could've been- he could've seriously hurt you."

"I know." He uttered solemnly.

"I can't _believe_  that worked."

"I know." Dirk repeated.

"And you," She turned to Todd. "Wait, you-" Farah drew in a breath, face growing dark with concern. "You kissed him."

"Actually, he kissed me." Todd replied, still clearly dazed and face slack.

"Semantics." She waved it off. "Don't you think you should've, you know,  _talked_ before you did that?" 

Dirk shifted, remorseful and shy, drawing his body away from Todd's as if only just remembering he didn't have permission to be there. "Sorry," He interrupted. "Bit of an oversight on my behalf there. I knew I needed to get a rise out of them and, well, I trust Todd more than anyone."

"So, you kissed him." Farah turned her head sharply to Dirk, throwing daggers with her eyes.

"Yes?"

"Farah, it's okay." Todd reached out for her shoulder, gave her a squeeze and a sad smile. "Dirk and his friends are safe, that's all that matters."

Wilson had materialized between Dirk and Farah with an expression just a sour as the one she wore when the group had first entered the hollow building. She had a neat stack of papers in one hand, and a pen in the other. Thrusting both at Dirk, she studied him with minor respect.

"They agency extends its apologies to you and your housemates. Sign below." Her face was full of anything but sympathy, though she pointed at the paper with a sure hand, spurring Dirk into action. He flicked through the papers without stopping to read a single one, and hurried to jot his name on the dotted line with a swish of the cold, metal pen.

"You're reassigning us." He handed the papers back, looking towards Wilson with apprehension.

"It would appear that the Nelson family are unfit for the program, and most likely facing a lawsuit in the near future. This would be unsettling for your education, I assume." Dirk nodded enthusiastically. "The same extends to your friends. Please have them see me right away."

Farah was already beckoning them over with a smile, and they came slowly, with caution, looking to Dirk for assurance. He pointed rapidly towards the papers with a blinding smile, cheering with his fists to indicate a job well done.

Todd and Farah excused themselves to the car with Dirk's insistence that they were safe, with only a few more forms to sign and statements to give. Todd hopped into the front seat with a heavy sigh, whipping out his phone to tell his sister he'd back home for dinner – probably. 

"You okay?" Farah asked in the still atmosphere of the car, trying to digest that last unexpected hour of her life.

"Sure." He shrugged. 

"Come on. We've been friends forever, don't give me that." Her hands came up to fiddle with the steering wheel, picking apart a frayed dent in the material with her nails.

"Really, I'm okay. It's not like he knew or anything. It's fine. It was – necessary." 

A police car in front peeled away down the street and they both watched curiously, officers clearing the scene with practiced efficiency. A few of them stood with hands in the loops of their belts, watching with blank expressions, eying their car occasionally.

"Yeah but, how did it feel?" She spoke again, neither of them looking to each other, but instead to the door of the building. 

After a beat, Todd huffed. "Kind of amazing." It broke off into a crazed bark of laughter and Farah turned to watch him, concern melting away to amusement. 

"I know I keep saying this but, you should talk to him. Promise me you actually will this time." Todd shifted in his seat and glanced back out of the window. "I just want you to be happy. Both of you."

"Yeah, I know." They watched as Dirk burst through the door, his arms slung over Jim and Mona's shoulders with a sure grin. "I promise."

Their conversation cut short at the sound of Jim cracking the passenger door open, shuffling across the seats as Dirk followed, pulling Mona in after him and reaching across her lap to close them in. They set off in a satisfied silence, the only sound was the low rumble of the engine as they sped back towards Dirk's now-old house. The car pulled up in record time and the back-seat trio fumbled out of the car, Jim thanking Farah softly and Mona waving at them cheerfully from the pavement. Todd watched them retreat inside.

Dirk twirled around just before he reached the front door and raced back to Farah's open window, leaning across her to capture Todd's attention. 

"Would you mind waiting here for a moment? I do believe I'm in need of a place to crash tonight." He flourished with a hopeful shrug.

Farah snorted in a put-upon way and raised an eyebrow at the man. "Sure, Dirk, I'll wait." 

Todd simply nodded and Dirk bounded back into the house, leaving the door wide open in a blatant display of disrespect for the house.

A long ten minutes later, Dirk emerged again, a sorry sized backpack thrown over one arm and a fluffy pillow in the other. 

"Yes," He exclaimed with glee. "I did steal this pillow." Dirk waved it at them both as he climbed back in. "They owe me this much and your pillows are simply awful, Todd."

"Thanks." Todd griped, pretending to take any offense to Dirk's annoyingly correct statement.

"Thanks for ferrying us around." Todd said as they arrived back at his house. The darkness was settling, punctuated by the light spilling from Amanda's bedroom window. "Wanna come in?" The offer was hollow, polite at best, and Farah knew to decline with a shake of her head.

"I better be getting back. You enjoy yourself though." Her wink went unnoticed by Dirk whose feet were already hitting the pavement, approaching Todd's house like he was coming home after a long day at work. The sight rang peacefully through Todd's head and he couldn't help but soften at the feeling.

"Yeah, here's hoping this doesn't blow up in my face." The sigh rattled through him, and he unbuckled the seatbelt like he was settling his fate in the click of the button. He was nervous to tell Dirk, of course he was, but there was something about the day they'd had that convinced him it was the right time. Maybe he should've told him months ago.

The thrumming activity of the hallway, as it had been the first day Todd met Dirk, fluttered through his mind. It'd been a Wednesday, slow like any other, and Todd observed him with mild curiosity as he strode up to the lockers and introduced himself with a confidence not often seen in high school hallways. Todd was completely enraptured by his energy, taken so delicately with the halo of light that danced across his yellow jacket. He glowed. And the feeling he was struck with in that moment only grew, until it was an unbearable truth.

Todd watched Farah pull away into the darkness, and followed Dirk inside.

He slammed the front door behind him and followed the sound of voices coming from the kitchen. Amanda was sat on the countertop, dressed in a baggy shirt and a pair of short, licking ice cream from a large spoon. Dirk was leaning on the island opposite, recounting their day in far too much detail. 

"And then, I grabbed hold of Todd and-"

"Dirk." He butted in, cutting him off before he had the chance to provide his sister with blackmail material. 

"Oh, hello Todd. I was just telling Amanda-" He turned to him, pushing himself upright with a smile.

"Far too much? Yeah." Todd said, quirking his eyebrow. "You hungry?"

"Not particularly. I am rather exhausted though."

Amanda snorted, replacing the lid on the ice cream tub and shoving it haphazardly back in the freezer. "Later dweebs. Don't make too much noise." She punched Todd on the shoulder as she passed, and he tried not to bristle at her words, though he could feel the heat on his cheeks at the implication.

"Yeah, I'm wacked. Let's go." He ushered them both up the stairs towards Todd's room, trudging up each step with growing difficulty. 

Todd surveyed the mess of his room as he'd last left it, drawers pulled out, the sheets rumpled, his clothes from that morning rumpled on the floor. It'd be an unexpected whirlwind when Dirk crashed into his space, ordering him around and rifling through his things. He hadn't minded though, but he supposed he probably should've. He turned to really look at Dirk then, hovering awkwardly in the doorway he'd hardly stopped in hours before. The casual hoodie and t-shirt he still wore made Todd's heart thump. Through the hours they'd spent together in the summer, Todd had never seen him wear something so normal, and nothing less formal than a pressed button down.

He looked soft, like Todd wanted to climb into his space and wrap his arms under Dirk's open jacket, feeling how thin the t-shirt looked as it clung to his chest.

"Are you okay?" Dirk asked in a hushed voice, surveying Todd's face with pinched eyebrows.

"Yeah, I uh- uhm, make yourself comfortable." He finished lamely, hurrying to straighten out the mess of his room. 

Todd searched through an open drawer to find Dirk a clean shirt and some pyjamas, picking some out for himself and passing them over to Dirk, who was approaching Todd slowly. He took them, and stopped inches away from the shorter man.

"Todd," He started. "About earlier."

He turned then, looking up at Dirk with what he hoped wasn't fear. 

"I know I should've asked you, if it was okay to – if I was allowed to. I didn't consider that it might've made you uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay, Dirk." He forced himself to breathe, thinking back on all the missed opportunities of the past week, and how much trouble his own selfish feelings had caused. It'd feel better to get it out there, he knew that, and even if it caused more problems for them he convinced himself that it was now or never. Dirk needed to know. "Honestly, I should've said something before, and I tried to but I guess I wasn't clear enough. And after that stupid poem in class, I got scared, and then we weren't talking, and it was never the right time."

"The right time for what?"

"To- to tell you that-" A shaky sigh clawed out of him, and he looked up into Dirk's eyes, swallowing his pride. "To tell you that I'm in love with you."

Dirk's face fell, his hands clutching the clothes to his stomach. "Oh." He said after a moment. "Why didn't you tell me sooner."

"I just told you why!" Todd flushed with embarrassment, the anxiety raising steadily in his chest. "Look, this doesn't have to change anything. We can just, forget it, and keep being normal friends."

"No! No, no, I don't want that." Dirk insisted, inching closer to Todd. "I've been in love with you since we first met, Todd. I thought, maybe you already knew that."

"Clearly not, asshole!" Todd's body jerked, stepping back an inch and coming up flush against the drawers. He watched as Dirk dropped the clothes carelessly, and they fell to the floor without a sound. Todd looked at them, then back to Dirk. "Wait, you- since, what? Why didn't  _you_  tell  _me_!"

"I thought it was pretty obvious, especially considering the poem-"

"That was about me?" He gasped. "Mine was about you, you idiot! That stupid yellow jacket, how did you not figure that out?"

"I may've hoped, but then you stopped talking to me." Dirk glanced away, looking upset at the memory.

"You think I stopped talking to  _you_? You were being shady! I mean, I understand why now but, still." Todd clenched his fists, rolling the words over in his head. He frowned, eyes looking at anything that wasn't Dirk.

"Oh for the love of-" Dirk cut himself of, swooping forward and catching Todd by the arms, pressing his lips soft and quick upon Todd's. Without a second to react, Dirk was pulling away, blushing a furious red and waiting for a sign that he'd done the right thing.

"Fuck." Todd whispered, launching himself at Dirk, crashing their mouths together with a force that sent them stumbling back a few paces. "Fucking. Asshole." He muttered between harsh kisses, his arms looped around Dirk's waist to keep them locked together. They broke away for a moment, eyes finding each other, then dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"I can't believe,"

"I know." Todd grinned, resting his forehead on Dirk's chest, trying to stop his chest from shaking.

"So, this means you do like me, then?" Dirk asked dumbly.

"What part of 'I'm in love with you' leaves room for doubt?" Todd said, pulling back to regard him with a perplexed look.

"Right," Dirk grinned. "Just checking."

Todd watched his face relax into a warm smile and felt his own face mirror it. This was real, this was happening, and Todd couldn't quite believe his luck or stupidity. "Can I kiss you again now?" When Dirk nodded he shoved him back towards the bed with force, watching him clumsily fall onto the mattress, and strode over with purpose. Todd straddled Dirk with ease, sliding into his lap with false confidence, and leaning down to kiss him again. It was all worth it to hear Dirk's shocked moan, a short noise that pulled from his throat the second Todd's hand found his hair, and his lips closed around his lower lip.

Dirk, surprising Todd fantastically, flicked his tongue against Todd's lips to deepen the kiss. The noise that fell from Todd's mouth was nothing short of horrendously embarrassing, but Dirk's reaction of clutching desperately at his back made it worth it.

They kissed until they were both too short of breath, lightheaded and dazed. It took all of Todd's willpower to put a hand to Dirk's chest and pry them apart. "We should sleep." His voice, when it came, was gravelly in a way he'd never heard before. Fuck, the things Dirk did to him.

When they were finally settled under the covers, wearing what was definitely too much clothing, Dirk rolled over into Todd's space and flung an arm over his waist.

Todd watched him through the darkness and saw his eyes flutter closed. "Want to keep kissing but tired."

He laughed, and stroked Dirk's hair out of his face. "Tomorrow, I promise."

"Yeah." He sighed, inching closer to Todd. "You better kiss me lots. Forever. All the time."

"I will." He laughed, and leaned over to press a gentle kiss to Dirk forehead, another on his cheek, one on his nose for good measure, and finally one last kiss to his lips. It was meant to be soft and slow, but Dirk groaned and pushed back into Todd, grabbing his hand and bringing it up to cup his cheek. Todd smile into it, letting Dirk man handle him.

"More like that, please." Dirk whispered, slumping back on his pillow.

Todd just chuckled, and ran a thumb over Dirk's jaw where his hand was still pressed into his cheek.

"Love you." Dirk said, his breath getting shallow in the stillness of the night.

Todd paused for a moment, fighting the urge to leap out of bed and yell and dance and scream, or something else equally ridiculous. "Love you too." He settled on saying, and wormed his head into the crook of Dirk's neck, feeling the warmth from their intertwined legs, Dirk still with his bloody socks on.

It hadn't mattered, in the end. All of Todd's frantic doubt and second guessing. All of Dirk avoidance and miscommunication. It hadn't mattered because they ended up here. Todd thought, as he drifted into sleep, that nothing could ever be this perfect. But it was.

**Author's Note:**

> constructive crit would be awesome!! if you made it through this clusterfuck, congrats and thanks!


End file.
